tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post114007204480181187..comments2024-02-23T10:53:19.705+00:00Comments on Dare to Know: Effects of Corporal Punishment - Testimony from a ChildhoodCarlottahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12686469871331093679noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-43175328521138849822009-07-19T07:15:04.729+01:002009-07-19T07:15:04.729+01:00This was sick, and it reminded me of my childhoods...This was sick, and it reminded me of my childhoods whippings. Being whipped with a strap was terrifying enough, but having to strip completely naked made it so much worse. You feel so vulnerable and exposed. It was so easy for my dad to go from whipping my bare bottom to whipping my genitals and breasts, since they were right there, bare, in front of him. This was truly physical and sexual abuse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1146924018262337172006-05-06T15:00:00.000+01:002006-05-06T15:00:00.000+01:00I'm pleased to see this letter published here and ...I'm pleased to see this letter published here and elsewhere on the net. It shocks me that Lessin's books are sold by mainstream outlests such as Amazon. It shocks me that parents would consider using his methods. It saddens me that my mother was given a copy of one of his early books and used his techniques to discipline me and my sister.<BR/><BR/>I can't write such an eloquent passage, but can, as a result of my own experince confirm just how abusive the techniques are.<BR/><BR/>Spankings were bad enough without all the drama and ritual that went with a spanking following Lessin's advice.<BR/><BR/>It may have made me behave, the imapct of a rubber soled sandal on my buttocks made me comply. The other impacts were less desirable.<BR/><BR/>KAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140616828955423632006-02-22T14:00:00.000+00:002006-02-22T14:00:00.000+00:00Dear F,I am very sorry. I wasn't aware of having ...Dear F,<BR/><BR/>I am very sorry. I wasn't aware of having moderated any comments that I hadn't spoken to the person about, and therefore don't think that I moderated yours into non-existence, as I don't appear to have been able to contact you. <BR/><BR/>However, I admit to multi-tasked overload, particularly over end of last week and weekend, so I may have made a mistake, and certainly didn't intend not to publish adverse criticism, as it is a policy of this blog to accept criticism, as long as it is substantive.<BR/><BR/>In other words, do post your comments again!Carlottahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12686469871331093679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140615570182040192006-02-22T13:39:00.000+00:002006-02-22T13:39:00.000+00:00Curious to know why you didn't post my comments of...Curious to know why you didn't post my comments of the other day? A little bias going on?<BR/><BR/>FAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140295872515647502006-02-18T20:51:00.000+00:002006-02-18T20:51:00.000+00:00It seems strange that anyone can think children ar...It seems strange that anyone can think children are so stupid that they can't respond to reason (which might be in the form of mime or some such thing when very young) and that they require beating like animals to 'train' them. <BR/><BR/>If, as you say, 'Spanking, when done with love, is not child abuse'<BR/>does this mean that:<BR/><BR/>'beating your wife, when done with love, is not abuse'?<BR/>Or that:<BR/>'taking aside a work colleague and giving them a quick going over to correct their evil ways, when done with love, is not abuse'?<BR/><BR/>Adding love to any old irrational, unpleasant behaviour doesn't make it suddenly ok. <BR/><BR/>So there was a child who asked you to spank him? Imagine what sort of world a person must live in to have to ask the people in their lives to dish out physical abuse - it must be that this was a way he knew he could get your approval. And, when we are totally dependent on a powerful being who controls our lives we sure want approval. Maybe asking for spanking was a jolly clever way of diminishing punishment in advance. This is no justification for so called 'spanking with love'.<BR/><BR/>Maybe when this child grows up he will go to his wife every now and then, when he needs some approval, and ask for a bit of a beating. Perhaps we'd all be happier if we lived like that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140250019204297812006-02-18T08:06:00.000+00:002006-02-18T08:06:00.000+00:00Dear F,In teaching the doctrine of non-violence to...Dear F,<BR/><BR/>In teaching the doctrine of non-violence to my children, I say: use the minimum possible effective force in order to provide yourself and those to whom you have a duty to protect with adequate defence. <BR/><BR/>My siblings and I were never,ever spanked. I can say of my siblings at least, that they are the most wonderful people. They are witty, charming, optimistic, beautiful, kind, professionally successful and extremely good parents. Given that this was achieved without any corporal punishment and given that I want to encourage non-violence whenever it is possible, WHY HIT???<BR/>There are other MUCH BETTER POSSIBILITIES. A little imagination, reason and creativity would make this abundantly clear.Carlottahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12686469871331093679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140244077904364262006-02-18T06:27:00.000+00:002006-02-18T06:27:00.000+00:00After reading your letter to Mr. Lessin, I have to...After reading your letter to Mr. Lessin, I have to say that your parents and all who spanked in that manner were, in fact, abusing you. This is not at all how the Pearls behave with their children. They would not take off their clothes to spank. That's humiliating. Do you know the Pearls? How can you correctly judge them to be in the same boat with Mr. Lessin? Have you met the Pearl children? How can you correctly judge that their parent's practices were abuse and have harmed them in any way? It seems to me that you are 'casting stones' at people whom you do not know. Write to them and find out from them and their children if your suspicions are correct. In their case they do not live in the "ideal" situation...it is truly the way they live.<BR/><BR/>The knotted stomach that you describe is very similar to what I experienced myself from a father who was abusive...physically, sexually and emotionally. I never felt knotted up in my stomach after spankings...only when I knew he was going out for a drink...I knew that we would be in for a loud, cruel night (sometimes all night) of beating and destroying our home after he got in. When I grew up I found it in my heart to truly forgive him and see him as God sees him and was able to even have compassion on him as an adult.<BR/><BR/>One thought, the Pearl's are not coming to the UK. Only people who want to encourage the homeschool movement in the UK which is greatly needed. Homeschooling is not widely practiced or sometimes even known about in the UK. I took one of my children to hospital and when asked what school they went to, the lady behind the desk asked me if homeschooling was even legal. <BR/><BR/>I have also been stopped a number of times by truant officers during the daytime when I was out with my children and made to feel like a criminal. <BR/><BR/>I'm sorry for your abusive experience as a child that has affected you through life and I pray that forgiveness truly comes to your heart so that your parents can begin to touch you in a loving way and you'll be able to receive it. Jesus never meant for you to be mistreated. Mistakes are made but, restoration is always being extended to those hurt by other people's mistakes.<BR/><BR/>Please give deep thought to your crusade to stop this visit to the UK from some people that would be able to lend help to hungry, (some struggling) homeschoolers. Homeschooling in the US is quite accepted and growing immensely. I've lived in both the US and the UK. The US is about 25 years ahead of the UK in the homeschool movement. The UK is still in the pioneering stage in many areas and should welcome help from people who've already pioneered the way in the US and not find ways to keep them out.<BR/><BR/>I want to encourage you to search your heart in your own personal matters. I'm not sure it was the spanking that wounded you so severely. It may have been the suppressed anger and resentment and unforgiveness that you suffered because you had no one to turn to. It seems that you and your parents did not have open, warm, loving communication like the Pearl's do. It sounds like your parents did not spank at all in the spirit in which it was meant nor the method that should have been carried out. <BR/><BR/>I have one child that has told me that he's glad that I have spanked him before and we have very loving, open times after he has received a spanking. He'll even remind me when we get home from somewhere that he was due a spanking. Our love relationship is the part that matters the most and the part that is tended to the most and he never thinks he is not loved because he gets spankings. We are all very close and open with each other about everything. I have 4 children. <BR/><BR/>I wanted to ask if you had checked the laws in the UK? I'm wondering if you've opened yourself up to lawsuits by publishing all the venues of the meetings and encouraged people to write to them or contact them in a negative way. Britain is pretty picky about those such things. <BR/><BR/>I wanted to write and say that there are more 'Testimonies from a Childhood' and it may not be a good idea to build a doctrine or a movement based on just your own personal experience. There are many factors that play into your childhood it sounds from your story. I can only go by what you have written in your testimony but, what you have written is sad. I'm sorry that your parents treated you this way and I'm sorry that you have suffered this long from it. I'm sorry that you were spanked as an infant and saw others have the same done to them. It was wrong. I have spatted little hands that play with electrical cords, but it was for their safety. That's not the same as 'spanking'. Please don't judge everyone else by your parent's mistakes. Not everyone is going to follow through the way your parents did. It sounds as though they are the exception and not the rule.<BR/><BR/>Spanking, when done correctly and with love, is not child abuse. I do spank, but I never use sticks or boards or hands to spank. My children's hearts are so soft that even just a firm word from me usually takes care of the problem. Usually by the age of 2 or 3 they've gotten the obedience thing down because of consistency. I have one that has taken longer to learn everything so he was a little older.<BR/><BR/>I agree, as one who has experienced it personally, that child abuse has lasting affects and no one should ever abuse a child ever. Your parents may have abused you during your spankings but that doesn't mean that the spankings in every situation are always wrong and that everyone who spanks their children is going to abuse or is abusing them. You need to witness it done right in a loving way...not a legalistic list that is read off and practiced every time you get a spanking. That is legalistic and intimidating and is a religious ritual that ends up making children believe that God is a big bully who is mad at them and to be feared. That is so opposite from the truth and is also not effective at all. God is a loving God who wants to embrace us. No wonder so many think church is irrelevant. People haven't seen the real thing. I'm sorry for that and for your experiences and will be glad to hear when complete forgiveness has taken place in your hearts toward each other. That there will be no sickness nor cringing when your parents touch you.<BR/><BR/>I did feel, though, that I needed to write these other things in response to your crusade to keep people who want to help you out. There is a bigger picture that needs to be looked at.<BR/><BR/>FAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140153600226992272006-02-17T05:20:00.000+00:002006-02-17T05:20:00.000+00:00P,Yep, re your last point! I do wonder what sort ...P,<BR/>Yep, re your last point! I do wonder what sort of primordial instincts this type of behaviour is appealing to. <BR/><BR/>Apparently Roy Lessin's book sells well via the other type of spanking sites...:(((Carlottahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12686469871331093679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140143330059061472006-02-17T02:28:00.000+00:002006-02-17T02:28:00.000+00:00Horrible. Such extreme spanking would be bad enoug...Horrible. Such extreme spanking would be bad enough, but the cold, methodical way it's been done is... cruel. Beyond cruel.<BR/><BR/>Growing up, I'd get a slap when my mother was at the very end of her patience - this was pretty rare, mind. It didn't bother me much then, and it's certainly nothing to dwell on now. More often I would be sent to my room, which was a bit more upsetting at the time, but at least all my toys were up there. But both were done in the heat of the moment; that is, it was lashing out, not rationalised actions.<BR/><BR/>Compared to what goes on now, with the 'naughty step'. Obviously there's a significant difference between canine and human behaviour, but such ostracising always reminds me of the pariah dog. It's the *coldness* of such punishment. <BR/><BR/> <BR/>PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140138448753348272006-02-17T01:07:00.000+00:002006-02-17T01:07:00.000+00:00Strange you post this, I just read it the other da...Strange you post this, I just read it the other day. It's quite impressive how she thinks so clearly about this and remained good inside.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140080142133750352006-02-16T08:55:00.000+00:002006-02-16T08:55:00.000+00:00And for some good news :) Under pressure from HEor...And for some good news :) Under pressure from HEors, the Newcastle date of the TOSH tour has been cancelled and pressure is on to put a stop to the others.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11652148.post-1140078895436838082006-02-16T08:34:00.000+00:002006-02-16T08:34:00.000+00:00There was a sickening bit, too, in the letter from...There was a sickening bit, too, in the letter from the daughter of the Pearls, describing how her parents laughed when they spanked her and how, in her warped mind, that made it all right.<BR/><BR/>Bethany's letter is a very comprehensive description of the damage that physical abuse can do and for the first time I can understand how the sado masochistic tendency can develop from such treatment. The consequences of brutal treatment are terrifying. It's also hard to believe that people advising such things will receive a welcome anywhere in the UK, but then 15 years ago Toddler Taming with its spanking message received widespread acclaim here. <BR/><BR/>Is it too much to hope that only the parents who would hit any way will actually listen to such things?<BR/><BR/>DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com