A Lunch in the Life

The subject of peoples' ages kicked off with Dh trying to convince the children that After Eight mints were only to be consumed by 9+ year olds.

Then Ds started on Dd, trying to perpetuate the element of confusion from which Dd has secretly suffered since she was 2, when she was of the firm conviction that she was actually 6.
You can just tell that this particular issue has her thinking we are a collection of witless dolts. She will tell you, just to keep us happy, that she is 3, but it is quite transparently clear that she believes herself to be 7.

On failing to confuse her further, Ds then turned his loose cannon in my direction, aiming it with great precision at my Achilles heel.

"She is 49", he announced loudly so that the other inhabitants of the cafe could not possibly miss this.
"I am NOT", I replied, equally loudly.
"She is"...he insisted.
"Why 49?", Dh inquired.
"I was trying to explain the idea of squares and square roots" I said, still shouting as if my life depended upon it.
"OK, she isn't 49, she is actually 81" Ds continued blithely.
In total desperation, I resorted to lying in an attempt to confuse and silence. "81 is not a square of anything" I whimpered.

Whereupon the man sitting at the next table, who for all the world looked like a maths teacher from the local public school, stared furiously in my direction.

At this point Dh and I finally realised that the children had eaten all the After Eights, bar a tiny bit the circumference of a toddler's index finger and thumb pressed together, which Dd kindly offered to us.

I have this lurking suspicion that we grown-ups are being taken for saps and that Home Education is working in it's own unique way.